Confessions of a drama queen

It's been half a year since I have blogged. 6 flippin' months. Such a long time that the changes here on blogger are totally alien to me. Help! 

In these 6 months so much has happened and I wasn't ready to share. I have a tendency of playing austrich during a depression. But I suppose it's time to get my head out of the sand. 2012 should have been a great year and it started great but soon after my life had come crashing down on me. So many times I had wanted to share on here and wrote mental novels but in the end I never did. And now I don't want to write a novel about it and take apart every single bit of emotion.  So just the very short version - Mr. Bossy had cancelled our wedding.

The important thing is - we've made it through and we are still together albeit not married. I don't think we've yet come out the other end but we're on our way there. We've caused my family a lot of hurt and financial trouble and inconvenience with the cancellation and we were both truly sorry for this. But it was something he had to do and I have come to understand why and I also think in the longer run it was for the better.

Another thing that had been depressing me for the past 6 months is a flippin' chronic allergic eye infection and eczema and/or psoriasis. For half a year now I've been wearing full time glasses. Granted they are fantastic glasses from Dead Men's Spex but no make-up. Or hardly ever. And if I wore make-up I'd regret it soon because it drives me frickin' crazy. After many appointments at the GPs and a long wait for a referral I finally have an appointment with the eye clinic in hospital in about a weeks time. Yay! Am still waiting for a referral for allergy testing and the dermatologists....

It is so very boring not to wear make-up. Hair spray is also a no no for me these days. Hence my decision to cut a fringe so I can leave my hair down just like that and still look how I like to look. It also covers up the alopecia caused by the eczema/psoriasis. I now feel like Rachel Berry off Glee - with my pretty mostly polka dotted dresses, alice bands and long straight hair and a fringe (bangs). Certainly got a nose to match hers!

Ok enough moaning done. I do hope my superficial vain problems will be sorted soon - the Twinwoods event is happening in the very near future and this year I've entered the beauty pageant. Purely to pick my moany old vain self up. So girlies - I'd be really grateful if you'd vote for me. You have to like the Twinwoods Event page first (that's a condition so votes count) and then like my pic. Thank you so much!

Having finally updated my blog feels really good! Really really good! Soon more to come!

Proof of life - and death

First of all thank you so much to the many new followers! Despite my lack of attendance the number keeps rising - I am in awe! I promise there will be a time where I can show my gratitude and I will browse, follow other blogs and comment.

At the moment I am at home in Vienna in Austria. Sadly my beloved nan passed away 2 days ago but I got here in time, I was able to say good bye and she died at home surrounded by her 3 daughters and me, I am her eldest grandchild. We basically held her and watched her dying and as horrible as this sounds - it was a beautiful moment, she was able to let go after a number of years of suffering, she managed to just fall asleep peacefully without a fight and I perceived it as a very bonding moment between my mother, my aunts and me.

My nan, or Omi as I called her, partly raised me, for at least 10 years of my life I lived with her - for parts of my childhood full time and later on in my very late teens/early 20s I lived across the hall from her in the flat opposite of hers. To me she was more than just a nan, she was my second mother. A woman who always took care of me - my whole life, even as a severely handicapped old lady in the last years she supported me financially. My parents are great people and I love them dearly but the one rock who was reliable was my nan. Her flat is is the only steady home I ever had as my parents always moved around. The street, the district, the appartment she lived in - to me this is where I come from, my roots.

3 1/2 years ago she suffered a very bad stroke which she - amazingly - against all odds survived. Her whole life she had a very, very strong spirit, a true fighter and this amazing stamina and spirit also showed after the stroke - she even gained some speech again, she managed to walk a little but she had to have full time care. Once a very elegant and proud woman she still kept her pride and died very much loved. I hope she can rest in peace now with my equally beloved grandad who died nearly 13 years ago.

I want to scan some old pics of me and my nan and some of her as a young woman but for now a pic of me and my boy yesterday, the day after she died. 

The church is just opposite of my parents flat, tomorrow I will say a little prayer for my nan and light a candle in the church.