A message for Ryan

Today 3 years ago we met.
Today 3 years ago my life changed.

There I was with squinting eyes because I couldn’t see without contacts.
There you were already watching me.
Finally we met.
You introduced yourself - full of confidence.

And all I saw was that smile.
That sheepish smile. All these sparkling teeth. Those dimples.
Still completely taken by your smile I noticed your eyes.

The group sat down and everyone was asking you questions as they haven't seen you in a while and all you did was answer - me!

Me who hasn’t said anything yet apart from my name, me who didn’t know you at all.

And you just looked at me, only talked in my direction – still that smile – as if I were the only person in the world. And I wondered – are the others not noticing?
Then we all changed location and you were suddenly by my side. Within seconds I felt secure. Strangely secure. You flirted. I responded. I backed off when you told me your age. You flirted more and had me convinced – within seconds. I was lost – in you. Forever.
I took you home that night.
Not knowing what lies ahead but already sensing that this is different.

You were different.

Today 3 years ago.

One of the first pictures together - the day I tried on an engagement ring.

A very happy day.

Then we met again. Our first offcial date. You wore my favourite jumper on you.
There we sat. In the alcove by the little window.
We talked, we kissed. We talked, we ate each other.
Your glasses were all smudged by my make-up.
Again I took you home. And then I knew. I am in love. Madly.

The next weeks are a hazy blur of wonderful memories.
You just swept me off my feet.

You gave me all the security in the world.
And I trusted you. Unconditionally.
All the troubles you went throught with V. – not a single moment of doubt I had.
Because of the total commitment and security you gave me.

A few months later we moved in together.
And something special became something incredibly special.

Another few months later we went through a hard spell.

I didn’t consider it as hard.

I had you.

I didn’t care what you earned – or not. I still don’t.

A longer while later we decided to try for a baby.
That moment we decided - I was put into a trance.
An incredible mesmerizing trance.
Full of love. For you.
4 months later I held the test in my hand. Couldn’t wait to wake you.
But restricted myself to tell you a little later in the day – the way I wanted to.
That afternoon your smile got even bigger.
I will never forget that smile.

Ry my love, my life, my everything. I love you so much.
I tell you everyday and I want to tell you every minute.
Not only am I madly in love with you – also with myself, the me I became, because you make me a better person. You made ME.

Together we made our little baby.
I know you will be – you are already – the perfect Daddy and we will love our little boy as much as we love each other.